No Complaints

A friend who learns of my condition after my first chemo asked me how I feel. I know she meant emotionally. My reply to her was summarized into simply, “I have more positive than negative emotions.” From the mammogram results to the biopsy and now after the first chemo, I have waves of love and gratitude washing over me.

It probably sounds paradoxical that I felt a deep sense of gratitude after being diagnosed with cancer and having to go through surgery followed by a list of treatments. Life has its ups and downs. My “down” has been cushioned by many wonderful blessings that make the fall less painful.

I’m grateful that it comes at this time of my life when I know what self-love is. It is a feeling of being loved unconditionally, regardless of who I am and whatever situation I’m in. I feel whole and safe. It’s as if this someone who is ever loving, forgiving and wise is always there for me, assuring that I’m good enough. The feeling is profoundly comforting. It empowers me in times of doubt, making me love myself even more for having the courage to face the challenges despite my fears.

I’m grateful that I’m loved and surrounded by supportive family members and friends. I’ve said this many times and can’t say it enough – I feel very loved and blessed to have you all in my life. To my mum, 很感谢你对我无微不至的照顾。看到你那么辛苦让我感到有一点内疚。To my sis who is there for me throughout the whole journey, I’m blessed to have you as my sis. Both of you make me a very proud daughter and sister.  To all my friends, words can’t describe how overwhelmed I am by the love and care showered on me since I broke the news. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in this. You’ll never know how important you are to your loved ones or they are to you until things happen. I’m overdosed with love that I have so much of it to give away. Love you all.

I’m grateful that I have a healthy body to carry me through the surgery and chemotherapy. Thanks to regular exercise and home cooked food (again, credits to my mum), my immune system is fairly strong.  Medical check-ups have always shown a clean bill of health. I was whisked into the operation theatre after taking the supplement from my friends that is supposed to speed up my recovery. I hardly suffered any post-surgery pain.  The next challenge is chemotherapy. My cancer was serendipitously diagnosed in October, a month in which cancer-related awareness campaign and activities abound.  A thoughtful friend who showed me a newspaper cutting of a qigong group known for its track record with cancer survivors brought me to this practice, in time to learn some basic moves in preparation for the chemo.  At the same time, mum worked on putting some extra pounds on me.  Armed with a positive mindset and backed by a big cheering team, I went for the first chemo one month after the surgery. The first three days was nauseous and tiring. I felt like throwing up all the time and spent most of the day lying on the couch panting. I had no appetite but still patiently chewed and swallowed my food. The mere sight of food on my favourite Travel and Living Channel triggered the urge to puke. But I was back on my feet on the fourth day. On Day 6, I was feeling just like before the chemo. Thankfully, it was bearable.

I’m grateful that the cancer was discovered at an early stage. It hadn’t spread. My breast surgeon was very reassuring. I have no doubt that I’m in good hands and trusted her when she said the survival rate is very high. It is a wake-up call for me to not take health for granted. Moving forward, it will only get better. I’m committed to lead a healthy life – physically, mentally and spiritually.

I’m grateful that I’m grateful. To know and live in gratitude is one of the highest blessings. All these, make me feel I have no right to think that being diagnosed with this cancer is unfortunate. What more can I complain?